Online Dating.

Ahhh! Online dating, my favorite thing to do to seek any sort of validation from men.

This is what you could say is my Lara Jean moment. The love letters with all imagination but no real action.

Recently I’ve tried to do the whole 30 dates in 30 days and well that has turned into a joke. I have yet to even go on one date…. Not only because do I have the worst anxiety just thinking about having a random guy sitting across from me and talking about such boring things.

But can online dating even lead to an actual relationship?

I feel like at this point I’ve thrown my whole life and dating stories on social media and I’ve never been more thankful that a lot of these men do not follow me. (Anymore)

But everyday I am reminded why I should not provide any socials to any person due to things like this. My Snapchat friends know about it all. I’ve even come up with nicknames. It’s modern day bachelorette as some could say except for basic men that I still somehow get too attached to.

I’ve never been one to fully go through a whole week on any dating app because it gets so frustrating having men ask the most bizarre questions that you realize that’s why they’re on dating apps. (No shade, that’s why I’m on there too)

Just last week I had a guy full on asking me about my sex life, if they could come over to my house, and who I lived with.

Not to mention the request for nudes (yikes)

Shoutout to Cris who deleted me off everything because I left him on read.

I respect the hustle.

This boy does not deserve a nickname, so Cris is in fact his name.

Cris was HOT but also was so nice because he just wanted to fuck. There’s nothing a man won’t say to try to get in bed with you.

However, it wasn’t the first time I got such bizarre questions. How could I forget the guy that asked me for a ride (TWICE) to his interview after talking for one day and getting upset because I told him I can’t. That didn’t keep him from asking me AGAIN while I was out with a friend but that time asking for a ride for his friends and him.

The saddest thing about this one was I still let him speak to me after.

I guess you could say this is truly a to all the boys I never met with but still allowed them to stay around and gave them too much of my time.

I could talk shit about many more men but there’s 2 men I think really had potential.

There’s the original boy who has the official designated name as bumble boy who I matched with after another failed talking stage. Bumble boy you could say still has potential but little to no effort is shown. I do not fault him though because to be fair I tried to convince myself at first that I wouldn’t get interested in him. Yet here we are. I think bumble boy is the only boy I’ve ever actually had the balls to just go for it.

Do I think though that this could go anywhere?

I say it’s 50/50

This one I can’t talk too much about because he actually might read this

So hey!

Then there’s a boy I call A.

A showed me all the interest in the world and actually asked me out like fairly quick. The thing is I’ve kind of ghosted A. He was the only one I’ve felt like has truly been direct. He is very sweet and into all the things I like. However, I’m going to be honest I wasn’t really feeling it and well he’s still waiting on my response. (Im sorry) Im horrible at this online dating thing because I overthink too many of these men and slowly start ghosting because well I’m INSECUREEEE.

Also because to be honest bumble boy excites me and I hate to put myself on blast because I’ve probably done all the things to act like I wasn’t THAT interested but, hey bumble boy. I am!

And to the final guy, who actually I feel like was ready to propose after like one day.

With him it was over with before I could even give him a name. This one I actually did soooooo dirty. I did in fact deserve the block. This man messaged me a novel so fast and I just didn’t respond and he actually made ALL the effort down to the time and date he was ready to meet up with and I just didn’t care if I’m honest.

Yet somehow I still texted him even when I was bored.

So this I guess you could say is my apology letter to you because I actually think you’ll check my instagram again.

I deserve all the anger towards me.

With all the men I’ve encountered though I am always so reminded how I could fall for any generic man that just pays me any attention. I mean even with bumble boy do I even actually like him or just like attention?

I truly praise nice men because I’m not used to it. I was reminded that with dating you can’t really have an expectation but I always do.

I daydream about all of the what ifs and get so over my head, So even with all the men i’ve talked shit about..

I’ve probably put you on my top list at one point.

So will I continue to do 30 dates in 30 days?

I think yes.

Will I break my heart over a basic boy? Yes.

Would I do it again? For the validation, yes.

I’m going to end this off with just saying if you also want to be apart of my 30 dates.

Let a girl know,

My dms are always open.

and if you are in my DM’s and I haven’t answered I am so sorry.

But I truly think online dating does have potential I’ve met some sweet men that truly deserve all the great things. I’ve seen friends and family find their one through online dating.

So maybe honestly it’s just me.

I just wanted my Lara Jean moment because all I do is daydream and write about men all the time.

This whole blog has turned into all my dating fails and mistakes

So why not continue to do all of that while trying to somehow see if I can find a relationship amongst all these men.

Xx,

Karen.